We nearly dropped our bowl of bon-bons a couple months back when we read the press release for US Helicopter, a new 8-minute chopper service from downtown Manhattan to JFK. Not since the Concorde has a mode of transportation actually saved the traveler time… until now, it claimed.

Forget traffic! Forget stress! Forget airport security and check-in lines -- US Helicopter passengers are screened at the Heliport at Wall Street where they receive boarding passes and baggage receipts, and are then transported to a secure section of JFK. And, it only costs $159 one-way (plus taxes), which, they pointed out, is roughly the same price as an airport limo. (Not quite, but we forgave them this mathematical indiscretion.) 

We gotta have someone road-test this! we thought. Someone cool, jet-set. Then we remembered that Maggie Gyllenhaal and fiancé Peter Sarsgaard were headed to Cannes from New York for the premiere of her upcoming film Paris, je t’aime. It took some convincing (Maggie, as it turns out, has chopper trepidation; and was 4 months pregnant), but they agreed to do it. It seemed like such a good idea… 

Maybe it was our fault for telling US Helicopter not to give them any special treatment -- we wanted an honest road-test! But we never in a million years expected that they would provide the worst service possible by LOSING THEIR LUGGAGE! How on God’s earth, we thought, as we listened to Maggie’s frantic message from the airport, does a tiny helicopter with only a couple of passengers lose luggage? 

From there, things got worse: Due to their 2-hour wait for their luggage -- which wasn’t actually lost; rather, the baggage handler (who has, like, two pieces of baggage to handle) forgot to load it onto the chopper -- Maggie and Peter missed their flight to France.

In the end, the couple finally did make it to Cannes, and Maggie looked magnificent on the red carpet. As compensation for the stressful snafu, we suggested to US Helicopter that they pay for First Class tickets for the couple. They declined, and came back with a counter-offer of flowers and a free return trip on the Hell-o-copter. Thanks, but no thanks.

Don’t Do It:

For more info on US Helicopter, flyush.com