I Don’t Think We’re In Kansas Anymore
Some people live their lives believing every stupid-ass stereotype under the sun. Stereotypes like: every black person sells drugs or loves to shoot other black people. Or: if a chick wears dungarees and has really short hair then she must enjoy eating pussy. Come on -- everyone knows at least 2 black people that don’t sell drugs and lots of people’s aunties wear dungarees every other day. And there’s a 99% chance she’s never been face-to-face with another woman’s vagina. A lot of people also assume that peeps from The Dirty South are really slow. Ok, so they talk all sluggish n’ shit and they like to eat pigs feet, but does that make them stupid? Not at all, y’all!
Some people even think that white people have no soul. If you’ve ever heard Arkansas-born Beth Ditto from the amazing rock trio, The Gossip, sing, then you’d already know that’s a crock of ignorant shit. Beth has the type of voice that makes your crotch tingle and your toes curl up. Her band’s currently touring Britain, so psychoPEDIA thought it’d pay her a visit and ask her some questions:
Hey Beth. How’s the UK tour going?
Oh God, it’s amazing. Lots of things happen over here that couldn’t happen in other places. People are a lot more open to different types of music out here. In America it’s all (adopts mocking tone) ‘The Killers! Panic At The Disco! And we all sound the exact same!’ I can’t even tell them apart.
You have a great song called Listen Up. Who was the last person you actually said that to?
Probably my roommate. I was like ‘Your cat just clawed the shit out of my couch. This is not gonna work out.’ I love her cat, but it has no boundaries.
You were born in the South, but moved away when you were 18. I just told the Psychopedia readers that you guys aren’t that slow. Was I wrong?
I think we’re a lot calmer. We’re definitely a lot more laid back. If something’s gonna happen, it’ll happen eventually. The first time I went to New York, I was literally running to keep up. People from the South are calm and chilled.
You did a song with Peaches recently, how was it working with her?
It was hilarious. I went into the studio with her and she had all her lyrics written on the wall. It was some crazy lyrics like: ‘Slapping that dick all over your face, rubbing that shit all over your face.’
I love Peaches, but she looks a little stinky …
She smelled pretty fresh to me! I think punks usually smell. I mean, I don’t wear deodorant or bother with shaving my armpits.
A few of our readers are pretty fucked up. They sent some of their problems to Psychopedia because psychiatrists are pretty expensive these days. Can you help them out?
Jane, 25, says:
A friend of a friend of a friend is addicted to Porn. He spends all his money on porno DVD’s so he can just stay indoors and beat off all day. How can I get him to stop watching them?
Beth: Why does she care? If it’s not affecting your personal life, then let it go, girlfriend. If you are actually ‘the friend of a friend of a friend’, then I’d say: if it ain’t child porn, then who cares?
Simone, 23, says:
My boyfriend doesn’t satisfy me in bed anymore. Lately I’ve been attracted to other women, but I don’t know how to approach them. Do you have any tips?
Beth: If you’re attracted to girls that look like girls, then the guy will probably be stoked – but if you’re attracted to butches, as I am, then that might be a problem. Men can get really insecure. She should talk to her boyfriend about why she’s not satisfied. This is a relationship issue, not a gay issue.
Tim, 35, says:
I’m a white man and I’m addicted to black women. I just wanna have sex with as many as possible and impregnate them all. They don’t seem to be attracted to me though – how do I get their attention?
Beth: Well, I doubt he will because he seems to be exoti-fying black women, which in a way is racist. I think he should just look at his white self and think about why he really likes black women. Is it just their skin or do he like their personality? I always have a problem with white people who idolize one particular race.
Thank you Beth. I think you just might be the new-age white Oprah.
The Gossip’s album Standing In The Way Of Control is out now.