When God created TLC, he knew he was making one of the greatest girl groups that ever existed. It’s simple mathematics - put three girls in one place at one time, make sure they can all sing, dance and dress their tight little asses off, and you’ve got a recipe for perfection. The Real Heat are sorta like TLC, but with the added attitude of N.W.A. Oh, and you know those girls from round the way that look slutty enough to be hookers, but you know they aren’t, so it only makes them look hotter? The Real Heat are like that. Their music sounds like a Spice Girls song wearing a thick gold rope chain. If TLC were still around, The Real Heat would probably put them in a headlock and force them to sing their songs. We posed some random questions for Suki, Zaza and Shaki, then sent it to them in an e-mail, cos’ phone interviews are like, so 2006:

Hey girls. Where are you all from and how old are you?
Hey styleslut! We're from Brixton in London and we’re all in our early 20s.

We were told you’re called The Real Heat because you like to eat really spicy food. Is there any truth to this?
No it’s because it gets really hot in the studio when we're recording songs!

Can any of you cook? Who’s the best chef…
Well, we can all cook, but the best chef-ette is probably Zaza.

Are you guys single?
Yep, we all are.

What do you look for in a man?
Strength, dignity, patience, good looks and silence.

Your outfits are quite skimpy. Don’t you get cold when you’re performing?
No. We are naturally hot!

Where do you get your clothes from? Who styles you?
We style ourselves, but sorry, we can’t reveal our sources.

Are you religious?
No!

If god exists, why do you think natural disasters like Katrina or the Tsunami occur?
Probably because of George Bush.

We’re obsessed with basement dance moves at the moment. Which ones are your favorite and why?
Shaki: ‘The One Foot skank’, cos’ it the easiest to do when you’re drunk.
Zaza: ‘The Dutty Wine’, cos I like it like that.
Suki: ‘The Eagle’, cos’ the guys look buff when they lift up their legs in tight jeans.

Sorry, we can’t do those dances. Do you think you could teach us some?
No!

Why do most white people have no rhythm?
Errm… that’s a bit racist, isn’t it?

Describe your style in three words?
Glam, chav and chic.

What are your songs about?
Stuff that happens to The Real Heat and the issues that concern us.

Do you have any funny jokes?
Sorry, we're not comedians.

What’s the strangest thing that’s happened to you when you’ve been performing?
There was this one time when people where performing live sex acts in front of us.

Is sex ever a valid substitute for love?
Don’t know. We never thought of it in that way.

What’s your live show like?
Fun, electric and wild!

Do you know that eventually there will be more mixed-race babies than black or white kids? What are your thoughts?
Mix it up, we say!

What’s your favorite cocktail and why?
Shaki: I don’t do cocktails. I like Sambuca.
Zaza: I like the Cosmopolitan because that’s the kind of girl I am!
Suki: The Strawberry daiquiri -- fruity and sweet like me.

Do you get any groupies?
Uh-huh!

Can we be your new groupies please?
Of course! We never say no to groupie love!

~ Styleslut

First Photo By Alice Hawkins