For a taste of Manila-based blogger extraordinaire Bryanboy’s humor, one need only look as far as the 17-year-old’s homepage.  “Le Superstar Fabuleux!  Planet Earth’s Favourite Third World Fag!  I’m the gayest gay that ever gayed.  I’m soo gay I sweat glitter!”  Not the least bit modest, or averse to toying with provocation, Bryanboy’s calorie-loving online persona has won the hearts of web-crawlers the world over (not to mention making headlines in his nation’s newspapers).

And, seeing as, in addition to frequent fashion-related postings and updates on his weight, Bryanboy’s blog offers an insider look at what it’s like to be a pop culture-loving boy in the Philippines.  Fortunately for you, he obliged psychoPEDIA with a virtual tour of his hometown:

Where exactly is your ‘third world’ abode located?
I live in the suburbs in the southernmost area of Manila, Philippines, aka land of the brown, the exotic and the natives.

Describe the Philippines in five words or less:
Sucky sucky five dolla.

What is the best thing about living in the Philippines?
You can live like a king, literally, for less. The cost of living in the Philippines is unbelievably cheap – food is cheap, booze is cheap, pussy is cheap. Everyone has a driver and maid. Some maids even have maids and I’m not joking! This is probably one of the reasons why I’m a little hesitant about immigrating somewhere else – I know I’m gonna have a hard time letting go of the familiarity, comfort, security and convenience one is accustomed to.

In spite of its flaws, the Philippines is a beautiful country. There really is more to it than the usual third world, “people-live-in-a-garbage-mountain” developing nation façade. I think people should visit my homeland and see it for themselves. 

What is the worst thing about living in the Philippines?
Hah! I have a-thousand-and-one reasons why the Philippines is the most awful country in the world but I’ll stay on the safe side and blame the weather. It’s soo hot and humid here! I have low tolerance when it comes to the heat. Air-conditioning is essential. I could only last 30 seconds in open air before I sweat like a friggin whore in a cathedral.

Where do you go to spend the big bucks?  Any reasonably priced local designers’ goods worth snapping up?
Some of my “must-visit” shops include:
Firma (located in Greenbelt). They sell super beautiful and chic accessories, home furnishings and various sundries – perfect for gifts; L’Obelisk (located at the Peninsula Hotel or the concession at Rustan’s) for beautiful, beautiful jewelry made out of corals, turquoise and other semi-precious stones; I Love You store (located in Makati Ave) for vintage sunglasses, more accessories and vintage clothes that are reworked; Bench (third world version of GAP) makes lovely underwear. I buy boxers and briefs by the dozen! Greenhills – the place to stock up on real pearls. Everything is dirt cheap… we’re talking about genuine pearls!
Greenbelt 4 is the place to snap up the big guns of luxury goods – Gucci, Louis Vuitton and Prada among others.  Unfortunately, most of the goods are a tad overpriced compared to other countries because of high taxation. Also, it takes forever for new things to arrive.
Although Manila is a city where girls with four-figure it-bags and Jimmy Choos are dime a dozen, a bitch in a $15,000 Chanel dress is a rare sight. So what are the cool girls wearing? Filipino couture!  If you’re female or a tranny with a little bit of cash (and time) to spare, I recommend that you get clothes custom-made by Filipino designers. $300-$400 should get you a good, one-of-a-kind ensemble. Best to pick up a copy of Mega Magazine if you want to keep track of the fashion scene in Manila.

If caloric intake isn’t an issue, what’s your favorite place (and meal on which) to pig out?
My favorite place to eat is M Café (Ayala Museum/Greenbelt). I’m ALWAYS there! The service is swift, efficient and friendly. They change their menus every now and then but I love their classics: foie gras, baked oysters and their green mango and prawns salad. Breakfast is great, too – steak and eggs + watermelon shake. People’s Palace (Greenbelt) is another favorite eatery – best Thai food in this side of the third world. Crispy catfish and green mango salad is the best –reserve a table a few days in advance.

What are some traditional dishes first time visitors shouldn’t miss?
Filipino food is often touted as soupy and bland compared to other Asian food so I won’t recommend any delicacies.
Fried chicken may not be traditionally “Filipino” but y’all have to try Jollibee Chicken Joy. Jollibee, btw, is a popular fast food chain in the country, even more so compared to McDonald’s. It’s the BEST fried chicken on the face of the planet! I’m having trouble keeping my weight under 100 pounds because of that shit, no wonder I’m soo obese.
Another thing you should try are these lovely sugar sticks called “balikutsa”. These babies are rather elusive and you can only get them in dirty, wet markets or home-based “stores” in the rural provinces. They’re soo crunchy. They’re cheap, too. You can get a pack of 25 for like 50 cents or something.

Best nightspots?
Embassy Superclub (The Fort) is probably the best place to go clubbing in couture. You’ll find everybody here – local celebrities, socialites, underage girls with daddy’s credit cards, media whores, designers, models and their hanger-ons congregate in this temple of excess. You’ve got a club and its 2 VIP areas, a cafeteria and a restaurant/bar called “Cuisine” all in one place. I prefer Cuisine versus the club itself because I don’t really dance and the dance floor gets reaaally crowded.
Nuvo (Greenbelt) is another institution if you’re into who’s who lists and the whole high society scene. It’s a restaurant/bar with an outdoor area where Manila’s finest congregates. 

Top three guilty pleasures?
Unsafe sex, crystal meth and poppers. I’m kidding! 

Best places to go if you’re looking to fill-up on culture – museums, concert halls, etc?
Unlike New York, Paris or London, Manila, IMO, isn’t really the best place for someone to soak up culture and I’m probably the last person one should ask because I’m clueless when it comes to this shit. However, I usually bring visiting friends to a part of town called “Intramuros” and “Fort Santiago” – a preserved part of Old Manila inside a fortress. One of my acquaintances, renowned Filipino artist Carlos Celdran, runs highly-acclaimed walking tours in the area. For more information, visit http://celdrantours.blogspot.com.
Also, Ayala Museum in Makati (Greenbelt) should give you a cliff-note version of Philippine history thanks to their colourful and lovely dioramas. 

Favorite get away?
Definitely Boracay Island – a 45-minute plane ride away from Manila. It’s a teeny, tiny island about four miles long. Think bright white sand, coconut trees, crystal clear waters. I love this place. I go there several times a year. 

Best place to stay that won’t break the bank?
Renaissance Hotel Makati (aka New World Renaissance). This hotel is located smack right in the center of it all (Greenbelt). This is definitely no Four Seasons but if you need an affordable place to stay, it’s your best bet. Over the years, I can’t even count the number of times I got myself a room for drug binge after-parties – I’m kidding!

~Alisa Gould-Simon

Go There:
Firma: Greenbelt 3, Makati City +63.2.7574009
L'Obelisk Jewellers: concession at Rustan's Makati or Peninsula Hotel, Makati City +63.2.8876812; lobelisk@gmail.com
I Love You Store: 7849 Pilar Place, Makati Ave, Makati City +63.917.8983036
Bench: www.benchtm.com
Rustan's: Ayala Avenue, Makati City
M Cafe: Ground Floor, Ayala Museum, Greenbelt 3, Makati City +63.2.7573000
People's Palace: www.peoplespalacethai.com  +63.2.729.2888 Greenbelt 3, Makati City
Embassy Superclub: The Fort Entertainment Strip, Fort Bonifacio, Taguig +63.2.8164346
Nuvo: Greenbelt 2, Ayala Center, Makati City +632.7573698
Franck Provost Salon: El Molto Bldg, Madrigal Avenue, Ayala Alabang +63.2.7723284