With April Fools’ Day around the corner, we decided it was time for a different type of shopping guide -- gifts that are guaranteed to repulse your friends and taint your relationships.  Although giving these might not sound like a good idea yet—consider this timeless truism: If it doesn’t kill you, it’ll make you stronger.   It’s our belief here at psychoPEDIA that this little nugget of truth is easily translatable to relationships and beyond.

So as a testament to everlasting friendships and love, we offer this list of gifts that are guaranteed to freak out your friends:

1. “The Secret” DVD
Giving the gift of the Oprah-endorsed Secret is something that should not be taken lightly, for it unveils the “Great Secret of the Universe that has been passed throughout the ages, traveling for centuries to reach you.” (No, we didn’t make that up.)  If you’re feeling enterprising, you get pricing discounts in bulk—so now everyone you know can be in on the Secret.

2. “Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health” by L. Ron Hubbard
Giving anything written by L. Ron Hubbard as a gift is a little worrisome.  But giving this book to someone has the equivalent shock value of coming out of the closet at Thanksgiving: “Mom, please pass the gravy…I’m a Scientologist.”  Your conversations will take on a new level of clarity as words like “engrams,” “auditors,” and “E-meters” enter your (and now your giftee’s) vocabulary.

3. A phone call from Lou Ferrigno facilitated by Hollywoodiscalling.com
Could anything be scarier than receiving a one-minute phone call from D-list demi-god Lou Ferrigno (whom you might remember as the Hulk from both TV and the movies)?  If you’re a normal person, then of course you’d think not, but our next suggestion is infinitely (and impossibly) more terrifying.

4. A phone call from Dennis Haskins facilitated by Hollywoodiscalling.com
We were going to combine these two, but really they deserve to be separate.  For the paltry sum of $19.95 you can have Mr. Belding from “Saved By the Bell” call anyone you want and talk to them for a minute.  He was also on “Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper.”  Note: This is reserved only for understanding best friends and worst enemies.

5. Moria Orc Latex Mask (or any costume on the website)
This is a guaranteed brain-burner for two reasons: 1) It’s a pretty creepy mask; and 2) This is a mask of a character from Lord of the Rings.  Not only will the recipient of your gift never be able to wear it, but the awesomeness of their dumbfounded expression upon seeing your gift will be something you can share forever.  If this mask is a little too grotesque for you, go for a more traditional (and magically powerful) Gandalf wig and beard: tolkientown.com

6. “The Other Sister” DVD
Juliette Lewis’s performance in this mentally-retarded twist on love will freak anyone out.  Forcing the recipient of this movie to watch it with you is a good way to ensure your relationship with that person will never be the same again.

7. Prescription-Strength Anti-Perspirant
There is no better joke to play on a friend than convince him that he sweats too much.  That’s because sweat is something everybody does, but like anything else, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. 

8. “Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men”
This might be the only item on this list that has never been given as a gift before, but that shouldn’t stop you from giving it to anyone you think might need a pick-me-up.  This book is such a downer, it will make everything else seem relatively alright. 

~By Greg Greenberg