In a past era, dating was genteel— a man spent a long time talking to a woman, called her, then they went on several dates, then several more— and, after all that, sex finally happened and a relationship was officially confirmed. Today things are much different. It seems that in recent history we've been moving consistently toward a more primitive way of dating—one where lust is the cart before the emotional horse. Among 20- and even 30- to 40-somethings, the typical new-aged relationship evolves much differently— phone numbers are exchanged, and the first real date happens, AFTER hooking up. It happens both in real life and in the movies.

Is the mate-before-we-date trend here to stay or will it be out the door faster than ABC's Hole in the Wall? And what exactly has caused the change of the dating climate? Text messages? Facebook superpokes? Global warming?

Julia Barnes, a dating psychology professor at NYU, has a theory – she believes the mating-before-dating trend is a mix of technology, privacy and human nature. “It's no secret that dates, especially first dates, are very awkward. As human beings we are hardwired to want to avoid pain—and awkwardness, believe it or not, is a type of emotional pain,” says Barnes. “An inebriated hook up doesn't just break the ice, it completely shatters the ice. And everyone desires shattered ice.”

Barnes also credits the last decade's technological developments for revolutionizing the dating game. “Technologically speaking, we have a tremendous amount of privacy nowadays in the sense that gadgets and devices are strictly ours,” says Barnes. “We don't have to worry about calling or leaving any sort of vulnerable private voice message on a community-shared entity anymore.”

Tausha Brown, 40, a single mom who owns a West Village boutique – and who has experienced the New York dating scene on both sides of the mobile coin -- agrees with Barnes' assessment. But she thinks dating has become too private. “When I was in my 20s, there were no 'drunk dials',” Brown laughs. “If a guy was calling your parents’ house phone or your apartment phone sober, you knew he was interested. Today, it takes no effort and less courage to send a drunk text or an email at any hour.”

As long as daters can masquerade themselves behind technology to avoid awkward pangs, they will, but according to Barnes, people like Tausha Brown have little to be worried about. “Technology has totally reinvented the falling-in-love process,” says Barnes. “However, in love, the ends always justify the means.”

Why not start mating this coming Saturday, Valentine’s Day? Try these NYC pick-up joints:

Plan B: 339 East 10th Street (at Avenue B), 212.353.2303
Chloe, 81 Ludlow St. (at Broome), 212.677.0067
Haven, 244 E. 51st St. (btwn 2d and 3d Aves), 212.906.9066

For other advice, on urban dating check out these titles:

Zagat's How to Date and Dump in NYC
9-year-old Alec Greven's How to Talk to Girls

~Matt Alesevich