You may recall a recent road-test in which fearless Psychopedia reporter Leann exfoliated with the naughty cleansing collection from Villaness soaps. But if female body products are getting all Burning Angel on us, they’ve got nothing on the gender-role-inverting trendiness around recent male grooming.

And while the proliferation of scrubs, loofahs and all-in-one armpit deodorizers from brands like Axe and Old Spice have responded to crafty constituent research with clever ad campaigns and pandering pheromone igniters, they’ve ignored effective outreach to a male demographic truly in need. Namely, the former slacker who’s all grown up and more cognizant of his self-maintenance, but finds the marketing of metrosexuality to be a subtly apologetic, homophobic eschewing of genuine image-enhancement.

Which is where Ritch Viola comes in. Viola launched Every Man Jack in 2007, specifically unveiling his line in Target stores. And in 2009, as the recession has rendered high-end salons a moot indulgence and the glut of douchebag-directed accessories has clouded our manscaping mission, the Every Man line is a veritable bod-send. Unlike the calculated identity construction of its competitors, Jack’s shampoos, lotions, gels and soaps don’t require an uprooting of your fundamental routine. And the postmodern humor that’s pervasive throughout their packaging is less alpha-male encourager than Snapple-bottle-cap subversive irony. (The faux-FAQs on the back of each bottle make for much more entertaining reading than a standard ingredients list.)

Below, we sample five of the newest Jack products that would be the cornerstone of an Every Man’s daily rejuvenation routine, in an effort to determine whether an affordable middle ground between Head and Shoulders and Sebastian Professional:

SIGNATURE MINT 2-IN-1 DAILY SHAMPOO ($8)
Presentation: Its translucent square torso is affixed with a wooden-block-style nozzle that reflects the simplicity of the Every Man logo. Much like this year’s Oscars, a bit too cute in an effort to convey understatedness. But unlike that awards ceremony, gets extra points for sub-titling itself “Action Jackson.”
Ease Of Use: Squeezeability is lacking just a tad due to the exterior’s heavy plastic. But hey, it’s made of recyclable materials, so you can use the extra bit of exercise. Ya lazy bum.
Most Unexpected Ingredient: Coconut-derived nutrients.
Will You Finally Know Jack About Hair-Washing? You’ll likely experience growing pains on the first couple of applications, as a heavy dose can lead to a scalp-tingling adventure. But as the cool mint settles into your follicles and the shower’s rays eventually wash it through, it’s a unique sensory encounter, if not thoroughly effective as a conditioner.

SPICED PEPPER BODY WASH AND SHOWER GEL ($5)
Presentation: Like the Whooper Jr. to the shampoo’s senior rendition of the sandwich, the Body Wash is artificially identical to its cranium-scrubbing counterpart, save for a boxier, more diminutive shell and non-translucent plastic.
Ease Of Use: Tends to come out in gobs that will potentially scare away conventional epidermis latherers serially attached to their bar of Irish Spring. But from there, works itself into soapy precision with quickness, and requires minimal extra emission.
Most Unexpected Ingredient: Besides the namesake spiced pepper? Well how about sliding some citric acid across your skin in lieu of your morning glass of O.J.
Will You Finally Know Jack About Body Washing? Of all the Jack merchandise, this is by far the most lasting and invigorating, leaving you with a lingering scent that is unexpectedly manly but charmingly esoteric, and imbuing you with sexual bravado without the creepy suggestiveness of other companies’ rival (and often distractingly fluorescent) gels. Like Ben Affleck chasing Amy, this viscous hygiene healer may actually change your impenetrable reliance on the aforementioned filmy bar.

SPICED PEPPER BODY BAR WITH GLYCERIN ($5)
Presentation: Still not convinced to get off the wash rag? Then forego the ickiness of the shower gel and opt for these same-scented, wood-grain-emulating, compactly square oil-and-pepper amalgamations. Three bars are contained within each perfume-like box, and it’s kind of fun to watch the carved-in chain-link logo slowly wash away. Ditto for how it begins to look authentically weathered after a few uses.
Ease Of Use: Well, that depends on your familiarity with the general bathing procedure. Barring a personal history with natural cleansing or Tarzan-like wash-ups in a lake, this should be pretty intuitive.
Most Unexpected Ingredient: Rosemary oils.
Will You Finally Know Jack About Soap? Actually, maybe. Irish Spring still has its old-fashioned charm, but it’s pretty gratifying to stare at and sniff this aromatic gift. And your girlfriend will probably appreciate the nuanced addition to your shower’s atmosphere. (Little Psychopedia secret: Do a quick lather with the bar and then follow up with a thorough coating of gel, and you’ll feel fresher than a newly exited birth-canal baby.)

SIGNATURE MINT SKIN HYDRATING FACE WASH ($5)
Presentation: Deceptive in its simple-but-revealingly sheerm upside-down squeeze bottle, as the wash actually fizzes up into a thin-but-frothy pore-invader upon massage into the skin.
Ease Of Use: Takes a bit of getting used to, particularly awkward to negotiate around facial hair and never really feels natural when caressed into the back of the beck as recommended. This is why you ideally are in co-habitation and can seek assistance as penance for all those zipper-uppings.
Most Unexpected Ingredient: Sea Fennel. (No relation to the sausage.)
Will You Finally Know Jack About Face Washing? The Face Wash is the most prone to accusations of placebo. While it feels momentarily refreshing on account of the mint, it can be hard to accept its profound resonance or necessity as a dirt-remover, especially if about to step into a hot, peppery shower with the remainder of your Jack arsenal.

SIGNATURE POST-SHAVE FACE LOTION ($5)
Presentation: More subdued, and consistent with the shampoo as far as linear juxtaposition of neutral blues and browns, similar to the aesthetic concern of modern sports logos. And unlike the peek-a-boo packaging of the hydrating face wash, classily conceals the eggshell white of its inner contents with a complementarily muted shade.
Ease Of Use: Exceptional from a basic functionality standpoint, if lacking in the shower products’ novel reveal.
Most Unexpected Ingredient: Sunflower Seed Oil.
Will You Finally Know Jack About Aftershave? While arguably the most low-key of their shave-and-shower line, this lotion is also the most emblematic of Jack’s intent, behaving itself delicately against your skin, while distinguishing itself with its scent and texture. (And in case you were wondering, while Jack does distribute a shave gel, your standard can of Gillette or disposable razor with Aloe will probably still remain serviceable in tandem.)

~Kenny Herzog