Dear PsychoDoc: I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly three years now and he’s a really great guy. The only problem is, he’s never been comfortable with my male friends. He came to my house the other day and saw one of my friends leaving as he drove up. When I opened the door I was wearing my dressing gown and he totally flipped out because my cleavage was showing and he thought I was being disrespectful to him. He smashed up a photo-frame which had a picture of the two of us in it and stormed off. I didn’t even tell him the full story: the guy he saw leaving was my ex-boyfriend. Nothing happened though. Promise! How can I make him trust me and be comfortable about my male friends?
- Nicole, 26, London -


Dear Mistrust: I think you’ve got this whole ‘trust’ thing a little screwed up. You lied to him, how’s he gonna trust you? Sure he doesn’t know that’s your ex-boyfriend, but when he finds out -- you’re fucked! Men are the most territorial creatures on earth and you having male friends is like another man borrowing his toothbrush to wipe his ass. And what’s up with the exposed titties?

What you need to do is draw a big line in the sand-– beginning with putting your cleavage back in your gown-– and make sure your male ‘friends’ don’t cross it. Those guys coming over to your house when you’re semi-naked and your dude knows nothing about it is a definite ‘line-crosser.’

Another option is to let him know who your friends are, and introduce him to them at a bar, so that he can get to know them a little bit and feel more comfortable. This does not imply that he needs to approve them-– just that, if he meets them, that’ll take away the mystery element. Keeping ‘male friends’ hidden and un-named-– then just explaining, “oh, he’s a friend!” when he’s caught leaving your house and your breasts are bared-– is a major red flag.

On that note: there’s also a rule you need to abide by: you can’t have (or, at least, publicly speak of) more than four male friends. Any girl with five or more friends who aren’t females is usually fucking at least one of them. Trust me, it’s in the ‘guy manual’ that we all get given by our dads when he first tells us where babies come from.

Here’s the action you must take now: Buy him some nice cologne or a new Xbox 360 game, then take him out to dinner to apologize for the titty incident. Then you can explain to him that you’ll only be seeing your four (yes, four) male friends when he knows all about it. That will sufficiently stroke his ego. And try not to have any more booty calls at your house. Get a room, honey!

PsychoDoc is written by Donald Crunk, also known as Styleslut. He is not a medically-trained doctor or shrink, but is a highly-trained professional in life. He can be reached at psychodoc@psychopedia.com.

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