psychoPEDIA: Daily News

How to Determine Whether You're Bi

Dear PsychoDoc: I was making out with my boyfriend the other day, when all of a sudden, I started to think about Angelina Jolie. She was dressed up as Lara Croft from Tomb Raider. I couldn’t get her out of my head and I was getting really turned on by the thought of her kissing and touching me. I’ve never been with a woman before and the thought of ever doing a vagina freaks me the fuck out. The only woman that I’ve been attracted to is Angelina. What does all this mean? Am I a lesbian who’s scared to come out of the closet?
-Pauline, 22, London-

Dear Curious and Confused: This is something that we all-- man, woman and child-- have experienced at some point in our lives: an unadulterated and unexplainable attraction for Angelina Jolie. There’s just something magical about those tattoos and those lips and that voice that makes you want get a big slice of Jolie Pie.

Since she’s the only woman who’s turned you on, I wouldn’t read too much into it. You know how guys have man-crushes? Well, I guess Angelina is yours. I actually think that it has more to do with Lara Croft, than it does Angelina. Is there any way that you could get your boyf to dress up in that outfit from the movie? That would probably help you get over it because a) a man would look pretty fucked-up dressed as Lara Croft and b) picturing Ms. Pitt with a penis is pretty yucky.

Failing that, you could always pick someone up on one of those bi-curious-friendly dating-sites, get stupidly drunk and see how you feel trying out a few bases with them. If you don’t puke at the thought of your night of drunken bisexual passion the morning after, then I hate to break it to you, but you’ve got a touch of the lesbian in you. Which is not a bad thing, by any means! If this is the case, give it another try when you’re sober. If everything runs smoothly, then look in the mirror, pump your fist in the air, and proudly yell ‘I bat for both teams!’ If you get to that point, though, tell your dude where you stand-– because making him taste other girls on your mouth, without his knowledge, would not be cool.

PsychoDoc is written by Donald Crunk, the founder of the Styleslut creative collective. He is not a medically-trained doctor or shrink, but is a highly-trained professional in life. He can be reached at

*Psychopedia recommends the personals at Lots of quality, smart AND sexy men, women and big-swinging bis!

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