I'm In Love With My Best Friend
-Tarik, 26, New York-
Dear Overly Friendly and Frustrated: I never thought that guys like you actually existed; I thought you were all an urban myth? Who meets hot chicks with stellar personalities and then makes them a friend? Lame! Nah, but seriously, I have to commend you on nurturing the long-forgotten art of the ‘befriend-then-bang.’ You meet a girl, make it seem like your intentions are 110% friendly, then all of sudden, you sneak up behind her and before she knows it, she’s making you eggs after a night of hot, passionate sex. Are you at all familiar with the art of flirting? You gotta do that to test the waters before you make a move and look like a total asshole.
Make a few sexually suggestive comments and see how she acts. If she flirts back, or does that cute girly thing where she giggles and looks all coy, then she’s a goer. Don’t worry about messing up your friendship. What all women (and men, to be honest) want, is a best friend that they can fuck. I’m 88% certain that the thought has crossed her mind more than a few times over the course of your friendship. Unless you’re a total douche-bag or something. Which you’re not, right?
This plan is totally failsafe, unless you’ve displayed many negative qualities with other women, and let your friend know about it. Because, then she’ll just be like ‘’I’m really attracted to him, but he treats other women like shit. I could never get with him.’’ If that is the case, then perhaps you should keep your feelings to yourself. Although, if you’ve just been a little bit of a douche, then you’re cool. She expects that. And that would actually work in your favor, because then she’ll be like ‘I love him, but he can be a bit of an ass at times. Maybe I can change him if we started dating.’’
You see where I’m going with this? Good Luck!
PsychoDoc is written by Donald Crunk, the founder of the Styleslut creative collective. He is not a medically-trained doctor or shrink, but is a highly-trained professional in life. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
One of PsychoPEDIA’s favorite lighthearted dating books? Flirting 101: How to Charm Your Way to Love, Friendship and Success, by Michelle Lia Lewis and Andrew Bryant ($13).
And our quick-reference guide to seven women you can never date:
1. Your best friend's sister
2. Your secretary
3. The ex-girlfriend
4. The hot trailer girl
5. Your friend's ex
6. The high-maintenance piranha
7. The stripper