At Cafeteria owners new Soho restaurant Delicatessen, Lissy Trullie’s drummer Josh Elrod waits for the rest of the band to arrive. He’s predicted their timing to a tee: "Eben will get here first. He’s always early. Next will be Harley, then Lissy. It’s always that way.” True to form, Lissy’s guitar player, Eben D’Amico walking down Prince Street in his trademark plaid shirt, suspenders, and snappy hat. They order drinks and wait for the girls to show up.

The band got together only a few months ago with the auspicious blessings of Off-Bowery’s A-Ron, but things are moving fast: “We should all just move in together!” jokes Josh. Lissy Trullie recently played great shows at Bowery Ballroom and Santos, and there are rumors afoot of L.A. bookings and a tour with The Virgins The Virgins. Lead by DJ/model Lissy lead-singing upbeat, addictive tunes with sometimes-somber lyrics, Harley Viera-Newton, London creeper enthusiast and DJ, completes the ensemble on bass. “We met on the street.” Lissy says of meeting Harley. “We were like, ‘Where’d you get your shoes? I love your top!’ and now we’re BFFs.”

Eben has a cold and expedites a vodka martini, dry, with a twist: “A Russian cabbie was telling me about the restorative powers of vodka. He said it will cure anything. Except you have to drink it at room temperature.”

Harley arrives fresh off a just-for-fun stint of bartending at Lit. She’s been learning to make mixed drinks from improbable combos of ingredients, such as “the chocolate cake shot, which was disgusting, and the peanut butter and jelly shot, which was worse.” The shot connoisseur was just named the official DJ of Dior, and there’s talk of a makeup line. Courtesy of the Dior arrangement, Harley says she has “like 400 kinds of makeup in the bathroom at home. I’m not even sure what to do with them.”

All really hungry by this point, we order appetizers. Josh is keen on the reuben fritters, plus the halibut tacos, fritto misto, and the cheeseburger spring rolls, recommended by the waiter. “All I’ve had for lunch is a peanut butter and jelly shot!” exclaims Harley. The appetizers make their appearance just before Lissy, who arrives wearing a white v-neck, a cardigan, denim cutoffs and her favorite Chanel hat. At Eben’s urging, Lissy orders a dirty vodka martini, which takes forever to arrive. She is selective with the appetizers because she’s allergic to everything. Josh seconds that: “We’re a very allergic band,” he says, after just had allergy testing. “I have gigantic, gigantic bubbles on my back,” he confesses.

Despite their various ailments, they eat. Josh loves his reuben fritters, but Eben is scandalized when the halibut tacos are served cold: “I’ve never eaten a cold taco in my life, and I’m not going to start now.” Lissy and Harley are deep in discussion over the cheeseburger spring rolls, which Lissy has braved her milk allergies to try: “It tastes like something your mom would make when she’s going out,” Lissy muses, “Just put ‘em in the microwave!” with Josh finalizing, “They were a little white trash.”

Eben scopes out the bathroom, reporting that it’s “plastered with UNIQLO ads.” Lissy and Josh have worked with Terry Richardson as models, but remain unimpressed by the facilities: “Retarded,” Lissy says succinctly. Josh is more concerned about a “design flaw” in the placement of the toilet paper, which is stacked vertically toilet-side. “It’s unsanitary. People are gonna sprinkle all over that,” he shudders.

The kids are similarly underwhelmed by the staff’s Charlotte Ronson frumpy apron-type uniforms, worn over jeans and a fresh whitey. “She did a great job designing those V-neck t-shirts” Lissy sasses, who at this point, could be considered something of a fashion authority. She was listed as one of Paper’s “Beautiful People” and recently featured in an Elle fashion spread. Aside from that, she always dresses the part. “I work in fashion, so I get a lot of free stuff. A lot of the clothes I wear come from jobs,” she explains.

Around the time our entrees arrive, the glass garage-door outer walls of Delicatessen come down and the music pumps up, beginning with some alarming techno– or, as the band put it “bad Eurotrash.” This is the nail in the coffin for Delicatessen, which was already plagued with chromed-up steez and a mediocre menu.

The band remains good-natured and when confronted with an ominous-looking fish and chips, Harley is a good sport, claiming that she’s full from the appetizers. The “fish” in question is a large fried monkfish, “an unorthodox choice for fish and chips,” according to Eben, the band’s connoisseur, who grew up doing tastings at his father’s bevy of restaurants. But when Josh gets a whiff of the monkfish, the truth comes out: “The breading is mushy!” to which Harley concedes, “I’ve had a lot of fish and chips in my day, and this is not one of the best.” Eben adds,“Like everything else here, half-baked!” as he was not feeling the Cantonese style Atlantic salmon.

The fried chicken in a bucket with jalapeno corn bread gets a thumbs up by the band, who agree that Delicatessen does best when keeping things simple. “They’d do well to stick to drinks and traditional bar food. When they try to get creative, they fall flat on their faces,” Eben elaborates.

When dessert comes, we are in for a surprise, but not in a good way. Harley’s S’mores, feature deep-fried marshmallows. “They ruined S’mores!” she laments. However, the black and white cookie sundae, is actually a hit with the band. Lissy also OK’s her home-made lemon sorbet.

The band launches into talks about plans for their new blog, which is to be “lo-fi and ghetto” and pass around a tally sheet where they rank Delicatessen’s food, service, and ambience on a scale from 1 to 10. The scores were 5, 6, and 2…“uh-oh!”

As she finishes Eben’s drink, the gentle-natured Harley delivers the bottom line with brutal precision: “If a date brought me here I’d be totally bummed. He would not get laid.”

~ Christine Whitney